8.42 pm. So I’ve had a good day so far.. The absolute best in a long time. My food has stayed down all day (impressive) The first trimester is kicking my butt to say the least. This morning sickness thing is not a joke! Considering the fact that it pops up at any and every time and is especially annoying and just plain sad when it hits you before bedtime.
It’s such a bad, frustrating, gloomy feeling and I really have a new appreciation for mothers, and my boyfriend as well, since I keep calling him at night to sob pitifully on the phone after wretch in out my insides. He’s been quite supportive.. Not very very supportive (I will get to that later) but so far so good.
The mood swings are quite noteworthy, as are the general feelings of lethargy. I’m lackluster about everything and I am currently struggling to deal with a lot of things that come with life changes like this. Uhh.. nobody told me about losing friends? Nobody told me that there are people you consider friends who are really not going to be happy for you and are going to make it a point to avoid you. That was such a big blow!
It’s hard.. And I guess very understandable.. I struggled with being scared of losing my best friend when she had her baby but I think we’re still friends to this day because I made an effort to put the friendship first. Maybe I should be gracious and give them more time to figure things out for themselves… Maybe.
I just feel very alone especially since I don’t see my boyfriend often.. Maybe once or twice a week and even that, it’s just for about 15 minutes. He’s always off doing other things which are also important but I feel like he could really make more of an effort to see me. It’s tough being sick all the time and dragging myself around town to get furniture and things for our new house. I feel like he could help me out more but my frustration with that brought on a fight this morning which ended with me blocking him from my phone. So there.
Everyone keeps saying that stress is not good for the baby and all but I still haven’t quite figured out how to avoid being stressed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated… Even if you think I’m just being a whiny b*tch lol
I’m constantly in two minds about everything. Sometimes I attribute it to the fact that I’m Gemini and my zodiac is based on a dual personality, contradictory ones at that. Other times I just feel like that girl who can’t make up her mind about anything. Everyone has that friend and I’m her! Lol
So can you imagine how much worse that would be if you were pregnant? I spent most of last year praying and crying and begging God to give me a baby. It didn’t happen. I decided to stop worrying about it and planned my life in the complete opposite direction, involving lots of work, another degree and a very glamorous wedding in December. Yes, I was over the baby fever. So… Again can you imagine my shock when I missed my period, took a pregnancy test on Sunday and found out that I was pregnant?!
I had a million thoughts racing through my mind. Things like ‘I said I wanted a baby last year, Do I really want one now?’ and ‘How am I going start and finish school?’ and ‘I’m still not done losing the 15 pounds I gained, how am I going to manage gaining more?’
I cried three times a on Sunday. I’ve cried twice already today. I honestly feel so alone, regardless of the fact that my mum is very supportive, although we are not close. And my sister and best friend both just had babies so I have a few people to lean on. Including the most amazing boyfriend who is over the moon with joy… So why am I not happy???
Is there someone out there going through the same thing? Some advice would be nice..
Serena Williams- because that is how I want to feel and look FOREVER. – powerful and free….
I can’t believe it’s been about 700 days, roughly two years already! “I have had 700 days to be me” and I have no idea where my life is heading or if I’m doing a good job “being me”. I just said that out loud by the way. Lol. I love to write, there’s something quite satisfying about seeing my thoughts materialize into words in front of me. It makes it more real somehow… – Anyone else get the same feeling??
This is one half of the first post on this blog. I want to be cliché and write a whole article elaborating on how the blog was started to be an outlet and depict our real lives, and allow others to communicate and share experiences- which is what people typically do for the first post. But I am honestly so tired of trying to streamline things so I will just risk it this one time and allow you to read, comment and figure it out with me, as we go along.
I digress. Back to my earlier comments about having 700 days to be me. It just means that I’ve had 700 days to be free of my abuser, 700 days to make my own decisions, 700 days to work towards my goals, 700 days to Live. I am confused as to whether or not I’m doing a good job of it simply because I have very high highs, and very low lows…I have days where I kick ass and look my absolute best! Then other days I can’t even garner the strength snap out of depression, get out of bed and clean my room. But eventually everything will fall into place. I believe that with all my heart 🖤.
My name is Awurafua, I’m 27. And I’m from Ghana, West Africa. Welcome! 🎉